The value of friendships

It is a day for mourning today.  And mourning often leads me to pondering and contemplation.

Pardon me if this wanders all over the place - this is meant to be a post where I process through some of what I'm feeling today.  Because, honestly, I'm feeling a lot.  And there isn't really room in my heart for me to keep it all there - it needs to come out.

Ruth Vuong.  Dean of Students at Fuller.  Wife.  Mother.  Advocate.  Mentor.  Prayer Warrior.  Child of God.  Witness.  Teacher.  Friend.
There are so many words to describe her.  And so many stories to tell about her.  Right now, I am mourning the loss of her presence here on this Earth.  I know her husband and daughter will miss her.  This campus will surely miss her.  Her advocacy of students and the marginalized.  Her prayer and concern for students.  Her teaching and guiding.  Her sense of responsibility.  Her laugh.  Her smile.  Her hugs.  Her tamales.

God - we miss her.  Hold her tight for us.  Remind her how much we love her.  And hold us closely, Lord, while we mourn.  While we laugh and share stories and shed tears.  Remind us of Your promises.  Show us Your mercy and grace.  Reveal to us Your promises for a future in Glory with You.  And receive Ruth's worship of You as she joins in the choir of heaven.



As I listened to the stories told at her memorial, as I remembered our own conversations and interactions, I am humbled by the quiet and strong faith of this wonderful woman of God.  Living peacefully and passionately, firm in her belief, allowing that faith to sculpt who she was as a woman and a leader.  I am humbled.  And pray that I can remember how I feel today as the immediacy fades.  As the emotions of today fade into the day-to-day living of life, I hope that I will come back to this sense of renewed purpose and calling.  Remind me, God, to live my life as YOU have designed.  Not as I want it.

Show me how to love the people you bring into my life - all of them.  Rich and poor. Tall and short.  Thin and not-so-thin.  Christian and not.  Faithful and not. White, black, purple, green, yellow...
Give me Your eyes, God.  That I can see the world as You do, as Ruth did.  And show me how I can use the gifts You have given to help these, Your children.


Ruth's life was cut short - at least from our earthly perspective.  I'm sure God was quite happy to welcome her home.  But we here on earth feel cheated.  Like somehow we were shortchanged.  Statistics say we should have had her longer, damn it!  61 is way too young to die!  She was doing so much GOOD here!!

I confess that, at first, I honestly kept looking for the follow-up email that said there'd been a horrible mistake, and that Ruth was fine.  I couldn't bring myself to accept the fact that someone so special could possibly die.  There was no way God would call home someone like Ruth yet.  She clearly needed to stay here.  Because, selfishly, we want her here.

As I slowly accepted the fact that Ruth had, indeed, passed on, I was reminded of an episode of Little House on the Prairie.  (Stop laughing at me!)  An older woman, friend of the Ingalls, is lonely because her family will not make the trip to visit her on her birthday.  So she fakes her own death and, with the help of the Ingalls family, plans her own wake to happen on her birthday - with the whole town and all her family coming to attend.  The moral of the story was that we need to remember to tell people how much we love them while they are still alive, and not just mourn for them after they've gone.

So many people who are "friends" of mine on Facebook, are people that I have, for one reason or another, lost touch with.  I regret that deeply.  I miss the friends and relationships that were so important to me during one season of life or another.  I don't want to continue being "the girl who I used to know at one point in time".  Friends, I value you.  If you are on my Facebook list, I know you in some way.  And I value you - even if I have pulled away from our friendship.

It is laziness and shame that have been the guiding force in the loss of the closeness.  And I reject that now.  I will make an effort to be a better friend.  And to share the real parts of my life - not just the easy ones.


Love the people in your life.  Celebrate the good times, and support each other through the bad times.  Be vulnerable, ask for help if you need it.  Tell the people you love how very much they mean to you.